Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Down one kid

So one would think in my "spare" time I would be writing up a storm. The problem isn't the spare time, it's the writing. I am finding myself staring at the computer with seriously nothing flowing to my fingertips. It used to be (pre-children) that I'd sit. Write. Be done. But now I find my brain takes a vacation once the children are in bed. I plop down on the sofa and half awake stare at Facebook or watch trashy vampire shows. And then I quickly pass out. 
But tonight for some odd reason I am only half zombie. I am pretty sure I had far less sleep than I normally do. I am fairly certain I spent the same amount of time cooking, cleaning, driving than I normally do. But tonight I am down one kid. 
Our oldest, the only girl, is at her very first sleep away camp. I was certain that there would be more time from when she was born until today. I was certain I'd WANT her to leave after 9 years of raising her. I thought I'd be excited for her to spend a week and a half away. 
But today I realized one thing... I was not ready for my little girl to leave me. She is at a Jewish camp a little less than one hour away. But the strangest feeling came over me when getting in the car driving out of the camp. And that was that I didn't say good bye to her. But I did. I know I did. In fact I hugged her so tight I thought I would hurt her. I kissed her face. All over her face. Her ears. The top of her head. I grabbed her face and told her how PROUD I was of her. I did all of these things to show her I was very much going to miss her. But all I could think as I drove out of the gate was "I didn't say good bye."
I know deep down that my daughter is going to be fine. It will be an adjustment. But that doesn't mean she won't have a fabulous time. She has been talking about going to this camp for over a year. I can imagine once things are settled in for tonight and she has her bed all made and her Kitty all snug up against her that she is probably going to be homesick. Of course I will never hear about this. I know because when she comes home she is going to tell me about all of the wonderful things about camp. She will "forget" about the sad night. Or if she gets hurt. She won't tell me about these moment. She will only tell me about the amazing days at Camp. 
Being down one child is also hard on the middle child. The youngest is way too young to even notice that his big sister isn't here. But my middle one took it rough when we said our goodbyes. I think out of all of us, he was the most upset. (He didn't see my tears behind my big dark sunglasses!!) So we had to do a lot of reassuring, and we pretended that she was in the room next to his, and he yelled good night to her from his bed. I hope she heard. 
I had this plan in my head that when my daughter was at Camp and my middle one was at his day camp I would purge their rooms from all of the junk they have accumulated.... Now I think I am going to just lay on my daughters bed and imagine she is there reading me stories. 

To make myself (and my husband) feel better on our way home from the drop off we stopped to drown our worries into booze. Booze baked into cupcakes of course! We'd always wanted to stop by Sift to try their Cupcake Wars desserts. So this cocktail girl chose a Pink Champagne cupcake. And my husband chose the Car Bomb which is an Lagunitas Imperial Stout with Irish Cream frosting. Yeah, I'd call that happy hour!

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